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Sunday night I had a dream about a guy I know (while he was the main focus, he wasn’t the main person involved). Anyway, it was totally fucked up, and since I rarely remember my dreams this vividly beyond the following morning, I thought I’d share:
It started with me and this guy I know together (we were “involved” in the dream - apparently exclusively - assume such as least, as I don’t do things any other way). We both lived in NY (although we both live pretty far from NY in reality - me near Philly and him, well, “elsewhere”). I was having a small get-together and was borrowing a DVD from him to watch with the friends and family coming by. He said he couldn’t make it. OK.
No big drama during the get-together (barely remember that part). Afterwards is when it got exciting. It was late on a weekend evening, so I figured I’d surprise him with a late night visit. So I grab his DVD (may as well return it while I’m there), and head to his place.
I get there and knock. Someone else answers the door - there’s a party going on (no wonder he couldn’t be bothered to come over - and it was obvious he didn’t want me knowing about it). Everyone’s completely toasted.
I don’t see him anywhere, so I ask this guy where to find him (in real life, this guy doesn’t exist, but in the dream I knew he was the other guy’s best friend - oddly I remember what he looked like pretty vividly - about 3 inches shorter than me - or maybe taller and just not standing up too straight because of his “condition”, a bit of a baby face, with blondish, short, not quite spiked-not quite buzzed hair). Anyway, he’s obviously been drinking way too much. He tells me the guy I’m there to see is back in the bedroom.
I go back there, DVD still in hand, and open the bedroom door.
The bed itself is completely stripped. All of the bedding is down on the floor where he, 3 chicks, and another guy are all having a little post-fuck-fest smoke. Needless to say, in the dream, relationship… over. The odd thing is that I didn’t say a word about what I’d walked in on, and he didn’t even begin to act like he was doing anything wrong (and I normally would have said something - or perhaps lunged for a sharp object). Instead, what I do say is that his best friend is completely drunk off his ass, and I ask if he wants me to take his keys and have him crash there. He tells me to “let the bastard drive himself home.”
And even more oddly, that’s what finally had me livid in the dream. I threw his DVD at him (I’ve thrown worse) and slammed the door behind me. He didn’t even seem phased.
So I go back out to the front room to his best friend. He’s not in the mood to give up the keys. So I turn on the helpless damsel in distress routine, asking him ever-so-sweetly to give me a ride home (wasn’t going to let him drive alone). Between there and his car I manage to charm him into giving up the keys and letting me drive (nevermind how).
Problem: I have no idea where the guy lives, and he keeps babbling something that makes no sense. Lovely.
So I take him back to my place. I get him setup on the bed, and I go out to my living room and crash on the couch.
In the morning, I don’t have a clue why, but before he woke up, I got up and left for some reason. So he wakes up in my bed, only vaguely remembering anything from the night before.
He goes to his friend (the one throwing the party the night before) and tells him that I must have slept with him (there’s no sign I was on the couch - I guess I’d cleaned up before I left?).
And the oddest, most infuriating part of the dream? My then-ex, or whatever he was, came storming into my place later that day furious at me for “sleeping with” his best friend. Needless to say I was baffled - a fucking orgy the night before and he barely blinked when I showed up, but he had the nerve to be pissed at me for looking out for his best bud. We got into a screaming match, and I guess that part was tense enough to finally wake me up, because that’s where it ended.
–
I really don’t get my mind sometimes - I have plenty of screwy dreams. But this one actually made a lot of sense. It was like an over-dramatized version of exactly how I’ve been feeling in regards to this person over the last few weeks - the drinking, the orgy bit, the getting upset with me over something small when he’d done worse without even acknowledging it, and even the DVD … it completely made sense.
Perhaps it was just my mind’s way of trying to work out issues and what I wish I had the nerve to do. Or maybe it was my mind’s way of showing me that our own bit of bickering and frustration really isn’t a big deal or anything to be too upset over in the grand scheme of things. I honestly have no clue. But seriously… I should work that scene into the novel I’m working on. (j/k)
Gotta love dreams where you wake up, still feeling the raw emotion of it all.
(And for the record, I had a much more pleasant dream about said guy last night, so at least it’s not like my dreams are telling me I subconsciously hate him or something - always a good thing.)
So… any dream interpreters in the house? lol
In Search of the Mythical Mr. Right
Author: Jenn, Category: Love
Let’s talk about men tonight. I have “officially” been man-free since February (although quite hooked on a particular specimen since early Spring). During this time I haven’t really been “looking” for anything - I’ve been re-thinking that lately.
I’ve always had a lot of “rules” when it comes to who I’ll date. Some people have told me I’m too fussy, so I’ll never find my “Mr. Right.” I don’t know if I’m rigid as all that though. Like with anyone else, there are things I want, things I don’t want, and things I couldn’t care less about. So tonight I’m going to put some of those things or “rules” out there and see what others think about them.
What I Want
- It would nice if he were taller than me (I’m just about an even 6 feet, so 6′2″ or taller is ideal) - this is the only physical characteristic I really care about, but it’s probably the first “rule” I’d break.
- He should be intelligent - if he understands anything I do for a living and actually respects my work, that would be a wonderful change in a relationship. He doesn’t have to be a genius, have any fancy degrees, etc. - just not looking for a dunce.
- He should be a generally nice guy - not “perfect” but nice (at least most of the time - we all have our tempers, opinions, etc.).
- He shouldn’t be afraid to argue with me or disagree with me, and frankly, he should be able to convince me he’s right once in a while. While I don’t want someone pig-headed, he should have logical views that he can confidently make a case for when confronted. I love a good debate sometimes. I need a worthy opponent. My last ex couldn’t back up most of his views, so if we disagreed, he’d pitch a fit instead of discussing anything - no more of that please.
- He has to be able to make me smile - a lot. Not always of course, but if I don’t feel generally happy around him or because of him, I won’t stay interested very long.
What I Don’t Want
- The man-whore type. I don’t need men at this age who are still just out looking to get laid. And frankly I don’t want to be with someone who’s been around the block a few too many times from an overly-wild youth either.
- Liars - none of us want them. I’m a big believer in blunt honesty though, and I don’t just want honesty from people, I expect it.
- Cheats - I’ve been cheated on in most relationships I’d classify as “serious.” No more thank you. So men who have cheated in the past need not apply. Of course most who have wouldn’t admit it. But that would put them in the “liar” category anyway.
- Drug users - nuff said.
- Smokers - I’m allergic, so it’s certainly preferable to not date a smoker. That said, it wouldn’t be the first time. I think I could handle dating one. I just wouldn’t want things to get to the whole child-bearing phase with a man who would be smoking around my / our kids. So that’s more of a long-term issue that would get in the way of things getting serious than an instant deal-killer I guess.
- While I said I want someone who can hold their own in an argument with me, I don’t want someone who feels a need to fight constantly, or someone who runs away any time there’s tension. I’m a big believer in relationships taking work, and I want a partner who’s willing to work with me; not someone who expects things to always be easy.
- Don’t need a guy who thinks he’s a god in bed - I assure you… if he thinks he is, he’s not (and I’m the type who has no problem telling him so). Maybe this is a bit too on the personal side, but very little turns me off of a guy more than him assuming he knows what I want (in bed or otherwise).
- A little bit of an ego is fine - that’s confidence. But too much, and you better believe I’m going to knock it down a few pegs before getting rid of him. I could tell you a story… but I won’t.
- No mama’s boys. Yes men, be nice to your mothers. Love them. Respect them. But for christ’s sake if I end up with another man who decides to share the intimate details of our relationship, problems, conversations, etc. with his mother, I’m going to scream!
- Porn addicts - I despise porn with a passion. Yes, I’ve been told repeatedly that I’ll never find a man with staying power with this rule. I don’t care. It’s a big one.
- Men who stay friends with their exes - this is actually the issue most of my friends don’t understand or think I’m way too nuts about. I do have my reasons for feeling the way I do though. To sum it up, in my four most serious relationships, each ended in part due to the guy’s ex (ie he was banging her, he left to move in with her, she would meddle in our relationship to get him to leave whether or not she’d even met me, etc.). In every case, the guy swore she was “just a friend.” That line has proven to be bullshit every single time (it’s been a problem in not-so-serious relationships as well) - the thing is that they usually do sincerely believe that at least to some degree - but it’s always led to either physical or emotional infidelity (as in running to be her prince charming at her beckon call constantly, etc.) and those are things I don’t tolerate. This is an issue really worthy of its own post, but that’s the short version, and why it’s one “rule” I’m pretty unlikely to break. (And for the record, while I know it’s an unpopular opinion, I also do know several folks - men oddly enough - who agree with me rather vocally about it.)
- I’d really prefer not getting involved with someone who’s been married (or quite obviously who’s married now) or who has kids (yeah, boo, hiss, blah, blah, blah - but when I’m ready for that phase in my life, I want it to be the first time for both of us).
What I Couldn’t Care Less About
- I really don’t care what a man looks like. I’ve dated adorable types. I’ve dated not-so-adorable types. Under the facade, they’re remarkably the same.
- I don’t care what a man drives (so long as he doesn’t become one of those car-obsessed types). I hate it when men treat cars as status symbols. Personally, I love cars. I enjoy working on them. I appreciate them as the beautiful feats of engineering that they are. But when a man’s identity is in any way tied to what he drives, yuck. (Maybe half of that belongs under what I don’t want.)
- I don’t care what kind of job a guy has (to a certain degree). I don’t want someone who’s always working nights, weekends, and holidays. Been there, done that. And I wouldn’t want to be involved with someone in a job of “questionable morals” (like, oh, I don’t know… dealing drugs? porn? etc.).
It might look like a lot, but am I really looking for too much? How much should anyone really sacrifice when it comes to breaking their own rules? Is doing that just setting yourself up for failure, or is it necessary? I don’t know. I’ve broken rules in the past, and it’s always bitten me on the ass.
Just so you know I do try to be realistic, I don’t expect to ever find someone who fits every one of those above rules. There are some I’m more likely to break than others (like the height thing - hell, my ex-fiance was only 5′7″ or so, the smoking thing, or even getting involved with someone with a bit of an ego). It all depends on whether or not I find an overall package that “works” using those rules as a sort of guide. The guy I’m ga-ga over at the moment actually breaks a few of them, and I don’t think I hold that against him (much - j/k).
So what do you look for in a significant other? I don’t normally actively “look” but rather kind of keep my eyes peeled in case a keeper comes along. And how juvenile do you honestly think it is to still believe that there’s someone out there with that “right” mix? What can I say? I’m a romantic at heart. I really do believe in soul mates and all that other garbage. And worst case? The crazy old cat lady spinster life can’t be all bad (right?).
Pouring a rum and coke or two - or three. Lying back in bed, reminiscing about loves lost with a combination of sappy love songs and those empowering female anthems playing in the background while you occasionally belt out the tunes at the top of your lungs. Sounds depressing, right? Or perhaps more pathetic? That’s how I would summarize my last few evenings.
No. I didn’t recently go through a breakup. I’d need a new boyfriend first for that. Instead, I’m working.
I’ve been repeatedly forcing myself into my past - past boyfriends and the corresponding breakups, all for the good of a novel I’m working on.
The working title of the book isThree Weeks. Ironically, it’s a comedy.
The book deals with a character not terribly unlike myself - nearing 30, and progressively more tormented by the thought of dealing with that all-too-common stigma on single women over 30 (I don’t care what those “40 is the new 30″ folks are saying just to make themselves feel younger - it does still exist).
The novel is actually broken down into a series of 15 shorter stories (after the outlining, I’m expecting to drop a few - maybe 10 in the end), each detailing a past failed relationship. We’re not talking about long-term, serious beaus and we’re not talking about one-night stands. No. Jillian (the lead) is looking back on those more fleeting romances - realizing that most “went sour” in a revealing three-week period.
Whether the relationship ended after three weeks, or the three week mark was simply the point of no return, she realizes that’s her “magic number” - apparently all the staying power she has.
While progressing through the book she works to come to terms with her singledom while evaluating what she’s learned from those past relationships - what each of those three week periods (at least should have) taught her.
The structure of the book itself involves an introduction, and then a chapter for each relationship, broken down into five segments / scenes - how she met the guy, week one, week two, week three, and how the relationship ultimately ended. And of course we’ll have a closing section for the novel as a whole.
I’m currently outlining the novel (and I’m expecting to complete that by the end of this coming weekend - about a two-week outlining process). While I’m coming up with these relationship scenarios, I’m forcing myself to become Jillian by re-living my own past relationships in my mind - trying to recall the emotions most people would prefer to forget.
So for the sake of humour, I have to delve into the more depressing side of my past. I look at it this way - perhaps my exes will finally be good for something.
(Note: None of the male characters in the book are actually based on specific exes of my own - that would make for a far more boring story)
And now I’m off to ponder past boyfriends, good booze, and the lighter side of having your heart broken.
What I Wouldn’t do for a Gay Man
Author: Jenn, Category: Love
You’ve probably heard some woman, at some point, say something to the effect of “all the good men are taken or gay.” While I know it’s far from the truth, it can certainly seem that way.
Anyway, my sister and I were having an odd conversation earlier (we have a lot of those), and somehow we got on the topic of Rupert Everett. I believe it was because we were hanging out a few days previously, when that movie with him and Madonna came on TV (while we didn’t have any intention of watching it - Madonna as an actress just doesn’t do anything for us - we were mesmerized by him - we often are).
We were talking about how much relationships suck, and how if it came down to it, hooking up with a gay man would be ideal (if he were anything like Everett of course - although I think I’m on the verge of swearing off British men - poor me) - suave, adorable, well-spoken…. and no post-hookup man drama. Seriously, there are reasons a lot of women find themselves attracted to gay men (and it’s not just because we can’t have them).
Now, for starters, I’m not the “hook up” type of gal to begin with; gay or straight. But I seriously think straight men could learn a lot from their gay counterparts. So what exactly is it that we love so much about gay guys?
- They get us - or at least they seem to.
- They talk to us - and more importantly, they often listen (although I’ve known a few exceptions).
- They’re comfortable around us (there’s very little that’s less attractive than someone who can’t just be himself - and many men really aren’t themselves around women - and we do notice).
So anyway, we’re having a 2 or 3 night Rupert Everett movie-thon (only one a night; nothing exciting). Tonight we watched My Best Friend’s Wedding (that movie always reminds me why I won’t date men who stay friends with exes), and tomorrow we’re going to watch The Importance of Being Earnest (love it). If we do a third, we’ll probably watch An Ideal Husband (which I haven’t seen in a few years, and don’t remember much about at the moment).
That’s that - a gay hookup (or at the very least finding a new gay best friend) is sounding like it might be the best relationship in my future. Either that, or hopefuly a straight guy will step up to the plate. We’ll see how I feel if I hit 30 and I’m still single.