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I get a lot of spam every day that doesn’t get picked up by my filters. Why? Because I have to keep settings low, or half of the bands I have to deal with can’t email me. *sigh*

Anyway…

One of the most amusing parts of my morning is sifting through the early messages - usually about half legitimate / half spam. Of the spam, most are sex-related (celebrity porn, viagra, etc. with the stupid links to stupid things you should never click on of course).

I was just getting ready to hit the sack and decided on one last email run.

This little sex spam message was just darling:

“My rod is so long that 3 girls could lick them at the same time”

It was actually quite mundane until the “them.” Bravo spam-meister. Bravo. (Frankly though, I think one “rod” is too much trouble as it is.)

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It seems it’s time for nominations to Michael Stelzner’s list of the “top ten blogs for writers.” This stuff always makes me cringe.

Let me preface the bitching with this:

I love Stelzner to bits. He’s one of very few people I ever defended over at NakedPR.com after a little incident of comment censorship. Looking back at that post (where you’ll find my disdain of top ten blog lists is nothing new), I suppose this post is my “choosing to cast stones later.”

On to business…

In this post I’m not going to rip into Michael (What can I say? The guy got lucky again!). Instead, I’m going to rip into all of the little me-me-me BS posts coming from the bloggers in the writing niche (one that I’m very active in myself, so I take it personally when I see otherwise decent bloggers slumming it up).

What royally pisses me off is when these “nominate your favorite blah f*ity blah” things come up, and bloggers in the niche (big and small) start coming right out and asking their readers to nominate them.

IT’S PATHETIC!!!!!!!

The funny thing is that most of the ones doing it that I’ve seen already don’t need to! But it’s like a game - since so many of them share the same reader base it’s a matter of who can whore themselves out with the “Look at me! Look at me!” crap to the most eyes before anyone else (since readers can only nominate one blog).

I don’t know. I’m so annoyed by the behavior from folks I actually respect - no, I’m disgusted - that I can’t even rant properly anymore - probably because this is right on the heels of the most ass-backwards bullshit PRWeek blog competition. In that case, I lost respect for someone I was finally starting to appreciate (he’s back on my industry shit list for now), gained more respect for someone I’ve loved in the industry since college, and was at least thoroughly amused by the self-promotion and false modesty of two of the worst drunkards in the PR blog party. But that my friends is not for here and now (god I miss my PR blog).

If you want to know more about my thoughts on rankings, you can read more about the various types that I’ve ripped to shreds (or at least poked some holes in with a blunt object) here:

• Blog Censorship: Where do You Draw the Line?
• Social Media Index is a Joke
• Alexa and the Power 150: What are they Thinking?

Things like this make me feel like the entire blogosphere really just deserves to implode. I think all the inflated egos kill any shot of that happening.

And I thought the politicians were bad….

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I’m having one of my “exhausted days” today. It’s just been busy with new client work on top of my own sites and such (and errands to run, and an inspection of my apartment to see if plumbing, tiles, wiring, etc. needed to be updated, and, and, and…).

I’m finally in slow-down mode (although I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to try to get a little bit more work done to make tomorrow less hectic before bed). The day has had me thinking - what’s the best form of stress relief when I really need to unwind?

- Sleep?

- A good, hard workout?

- Yoga session?

- Getting a massage?

- Getting laid?

- A long, hot soak in the tub?

- Candles and a cup of herbal tea?

- Calling a friend, family member, or anyone else I care about?

- Chocolate?

- A good movie?

- Meditation?

- A long drive?

- Some Sinatra? (or jazz, or classical, or whatever I’m in the mood for)

What relaxes me best? What do I enjoy the most? I’m really not sure. Maybe it’s blogging (oh, please no). Or maybe what I could use tonight is a little bit of everything - can you imagine what that night would look like?

So tell me… what relaxes you? Are any “essentials” missing from my list? I’m always open to new ideas.

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It feels like fall today. Well at least in my apartment it feels like fall today (outside it’s going to around 80 degrees or so). It started last night.

I left my air conditioner on until I went to bed, which was about three hours later than I’d expected (so the apartment was pretty cool by that point - enough so to give me shivers). I was just too caught up in what I was working on to notice before then.

So I climbed into bed, loving the warmth of pulling the covers up over me (almost like a cold Autumn night). It was a reality check - cooler weather’s just around the corner. God that’s a nice thought!

I love the fall. All year long I wait for it to be fall - the leaves changing colors and dropping from the trees, the cool, crisp, blustery breezes, that “fresh” kind of smell to the air, soccer season, holidays rolling around… doesn’t get much better. I think me hating the summer so much is the best part of it - it makes me appreciate the fall all that much more when things change over.

So there I was, freezing in bed, deciding whether or not to dig out another blanket from the closet (I opted against it - that would have meant getting out of what warmth I did have already). And you know what? I was happy. I was bloody ecstatic. I’m always more chipper during that time of year, and apparently “artificial fall” can be just as nice.

So today my apartment is still quite cold. I have an apple cinnamon candle burning next to me. And golly gee, I think it might be time for a nice hot chocolate.

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I don’t know about you, but I’ve been finding myself thoroughly un-impressed with the presidential campaigns. I’m at the point where you may even say I just don’t give a rat’s ass anymore.

1. I really don’t know who I plan to vote for (and neither is doing a great job of convincing me). I consider myself pretty independent. I always vote for the candidate I think is best for the job at hand - I vote pretty cleanly down the middle between Democrats and Republicans. Then again, I’ve not yet felt inclined to vote for a Republican for president. I said years ago that if I ever did, McCain would probably be it. But now I don’t know.
2. I can’t stand this lead-up to elections where grown men (and women) think acting like children with their silly campaign ads and stupid remarks actually demonstrates they should (or could) lead this country. Would they act the same way if we have international disputes, tossing out insults the way they do during campaigns? This shit just drives me nuts - and makes me glad I never got into political PR as I once planned. Maybe it’s odd given my line of work and the bad reputation that sometimes comes along with it, but aside from the insult ads, I find it disgusting whenever I hear their canned speeches designed to do nothing more than persuade the ignorant masses. Then again, perhaps the “ignorant masses” deserve whatever they get if they can’t be bothered to read into things.
3. One of the big things that will be influencing my vote this Fall is which candidate can do the most to improve our international reputation and relationships. And that’s one issue I’m really torn over. On one hand, McCain is more experienced, so he has that edge. On the other hand, Obama is charismatic enough that I get the feeling he’d be a good bet on the relationship-building front. But is that enough? Probably not. (Then again, our current president hasn’t done a huge amount of thinking for himself, so perhaps it wouldn’t be a big change.) And then there’s McCain - sure he’s experienced, but would he be able to hold a conversation with international leaders without putting them to sleep? They should record the man and sell the album - “McCain After Dark?” - better than a lullabye.

I’m a big believer in voting. But I’m a bigger believer in only voting if you’re actually informed about who or what you’re voting for. I guess I look at it this way - as an American it’s your responsibility to stay informed and then to vote for the best candidates; not vote simply along party lines (as far as I’m concerned, anyone doing that deserves to be shot for sheer stupidity).

Yet when push comes to shove, I really don’t think most voters care so much about the issues as they do about having their registered party represented. Sure, we have a few that sway (like the bitter Clinton-supporters threatening mutiny), but in the end do most people really think for themselves when voting? Or is all of this pathetic campaign bullshit just a nice little show they put on every 4 years (kind of like the Olympics - but for exercising one’s mouth)?

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Let’s talk about men tonight. I have “officially” been man-free since February (although quite hooked on a particular specimen since early Spring). During this time I haven’t really been “looking” for anything - I’ve been re-thinking that lately.

I’ve always had a lot of “rules” when it comes to who I’ll date. Some people have told me I’m too fussy, so I’ll never find my “Mr. Right.” I don’t know if I’m rigid as all that though. Like with anyone else, there are things I want, things I don’t want, and things I couldn’t care less about. So tonight I’m going to put some of those things or “rules” out there and see what others think about them.

What I Want

• It would nice if he were taller than me (I’m just about an even 6 feet, so 6′2″ or taller is ideal) - this is the only physical characteristic I really care about, but it’s probably the first “rule” I’d break.
• He should be intelligent - if he understands anything I do for a living and actually respects my work, that would be a wonderful change in a relationship. He doesn’t have to be a genius, have any fancy degrees, etc. - just not looking for a dunce.
• He should be a generally nice guy - not “perfect” but nice (at least most of the time - we all have our tempers, opinions, etc.).
• He shouldn’t be afraid to argue with me or disagree with me, and frankly, he should be able to convince me he’s right once in a while. While I don’t want someone pig-headed, he should have logical views that he can confidently make a case for when confronted. I love a good debate sometimes. I need a worthy opponent. My last ex couldn’t back up most of his views, so if we disagreed, he’d pitch a fit instead of discussing anything - no more of that please.
• He has to be able to make me smile - a lot. Not always of course, but if I don’t feel generally happy around him or because of him, I won’t stay interested very long.

What I Don’t Want

• The man-whore type. I don’t need men at this age who are still just out looking to get laid. And frankly I don’t want to be with someone who’s been around the block a few too many times from an overly-wild youth either.
• Liars - none of us want them. I’m a big believer in blunt honesty though, and I don’t just want honesty from people, I expect it.
• Cheats - I’ve been cheated on in most relationships I’d classify as “serious.” No more thank you. So men who have cheated in the past need not apply. Of course most who have wouldn’t admit it. But that would put them in the “liar” category anyway.
• Drug users - nuff said.
• Smokers - I’m allergic, so it’s certainly preferable to not date a smoker. That said, it wouldn’t be the first time. I think I could handle dating one. I just wouldn’t want things to get to the whole child-bearing phase with a man who would be smoking around my / our kids. So that’s more of a long-term issue that would get in the way of things getting serious than an instant deal-killer I guess.
• While I said I want someone who can hold their own in an argument with me, I don’t want someone who feels a need to fight constantly, or someone who runs away any time there’s tension. I’m a big believer in relationships taking work, and I want a partner who’s willing to work with me; not someone who expects things to always be easy.
• Don’t need a guy who thinks he’s a god in bed - I assure you… if he thinks he is, he’s not (and I’m the type who has no problem telling him so). Maybe this is a bit too on the personal side, but very little turns me off of a guy more than him assuming he knows what I want (in bed or otherwise).
• A little bit of an ego is fine - that’s confidence. But too much, and you better believe I’m going to knock it down a few pegs before getting rid of him. I could tell you a story… but I won’t.
• No mama’s boys. Yes men, be nice to your mothers. Love them. Respect them. But for christ’s sake if I end up with another man who decides to share the intimate details of our relationship, problems, conversations, etc. with his mother, I’m going to scream!
• Porn addicts - I despise porn with a passion. Yes, I’ve been told repeatedly that I’ll never find a man with staying power with this rule. I don’t care. It’s a big one.
• Men who stay friends with their exes - this is actually the issue most of my friends don’t understand or think I’m way too nuts about. I do have my reasons for feeling the way I do though. To sum it up, in my four most serious relationships, each ended in part due to the guy’s ex (ie he was banging her, he left to move in with her, she would meddle in our relationship to get him to leave whether or not she’d even met me, etc.). In every case, the guy swore she was “just a friend.” That line has proven to be bullshit every single time (it’s been a problem in not-so-serious relationships as well) - the thing is that they usually do sincerely believe that at least to some degree - but it’s always led to either physical or emotional infidelity (as in running to be her prince charming at her beckon call constantly, etc.) and those are things I don’t tolerate. This is an issue really worthy of its own post, but that’s the short version, and why it’s one “rule” I’m pretty unlikely to break. (And for the record, while I know it’s an unpopular opinion, I also do know several folks - men oddly enough - who agree with me rather vocally about it.)
• I’d really prefer not getting involved with someone who’s been married (or quite obviously who’s married now) or who has kids (yeah, boo, hiss, blah, blah, blah - but when I’m ready for that phase in my life, I want it to be the first time for both of us).

What I Couldn’t Care Less About

• I really don’t care what a man looks like. I’ve dated adorable types. I’ve dated not-so-adorable types. Under the facade, they’re remarkably the same.
• I don’t care what a man drives (so long as he doesn’t become one of those car-obsessed types). I hate it when men treat cars as status symbols. Personally, I love cars. I enjoy working on them. I appreciate them as the beautiful feats of engineering that they are. But when a man’s identity is in any way tied to what he drives, yuck. (Maybe half of that belongs under what I don’t want.)
• I don’t care what kind of job a guy has (to a certain degree). I don’t want someone who’s always working nights, weekends, and holidays. Been there, done that.  And I wouldn’t want to be involved with someone in a job of “questionable morals” (like, oh, I don’t know… dealing drugs? porn? etc.).

It might look like a lot, but am I really looking for too much? How much should anyone really sacrifice when it comes to breaking their own rules? Is doing that just setting yourself up for failure, or is it necessary? I don’t know. I’ve broken rules in the past, and it’s always bitten me on the ass.

Just so you know I do try to be realistic, I don’t expect to ever find someone who fits every one of those above rules. There are some I’m more likely to break than others (like the height thing - hell, my ex-fiance was only 5′7″ or so, the smoking thing, or even getting involved with someone with a bit of an ego). It all depends on whether or not I find an overall package that “works” using those rules as a sort of guide. The guy I’m ga-ga over at the moment actually breaks a few of them, and I don’t think I hold that against him (much - j/k).

So what do you look for in a significant other? I don’t normally actively “look” but rather kind of keep my eyes peeled in case a keeper comes along. And how juvenile do you honestly think it is to still believe that there’s someone out there with that “right” mix? What can I say? I’m a romantic at heart. I really do believe in soul mates and all that other garbage. And worst case? The crazy old cat lady spinster life can’t be all bad (right?).

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OK. Just to be clear, I’d never actually kill (or even hurt) a cat. I love them to bits. My cat (Baby Eyes) is no exception.

But when she lets me sleep only a choppy 2 - 3 hours before starting work Monday morning, I start fantasizing about a quiet life with no pets sometimes.

Last night she decided it was time to run a marathon back and forth through the apartment (with my bedroom as a turning point). The pitter patter (read: thunderous racket) of little kitty feet was driving me nuts. And of course she likes to start making noise around midnight - that’s normal for her.

I decided to lock her out of the bedroom, thinking I would get some peace and quiet, and hopefully some shuteye. Boy, was I wrong. She instead decided to make it her mission to keep me up. Every time I’d doze off, I’d awaken to scratching at the bedroom door and obscene howling (as in worse than a cat in heat kind of howling). None of my past cats have liked closed doors - they always want to be where they’re not allowed. At the same time, none have been quite this persistent.

So door open or shut, I lost. I have a throbbing headache from lack of sleep. Today will not be a great day. The only perk is that since I started work early, I’ll probably finish up a bit early today - and it was a relatively light day (thank goodness) to begin with, with most of my time allotted to one of my own projects.

For the record, she’s being perfectly behaved now that I’m awake. I think she’s just evil. But she’s cute, and crippled (blind in one eye, and knows how to give you a “look” to remind you), so she gets away with murder.

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It’s time for another set of films that passed the “Jenn test.” Some may be new. Some may be quite old, but ones I’ve either recently seen for the first time or have seen again after a long time away from them. They may not be the best movies out there, but you could certainly find worse ways to waste a few hours of your life:

Russian Dolls - This is a sequel to L’Auberge Espagnole (The Spanish Apartment). I’d say close to half of it is in French and close to half in English. There’s also some Russian thrown in there. I won’t get into all of the story line - watch the first one before this to be introduced to some of the main characters. I can’t stand the “hero” of the story - stereotypical male pig. I didn’t like the British chick in the first one, but her character really grew on me. The British guy was the funniest (again), and the actress playing the lesbian chick is quite good as well. What I love about both of these movies is that they do an amazing job of interweaving so many storylines and characters from different countries who all speak different languages. There’s a kind of gritty attempt at “realism” (overdone for the sake of drama), but in this one it’s balanced out by the almost sickeningly sweet, too-cute-for-words, romance between the British guy and a Russian ballerina he’s marrying, which brings the old crew from the first film back together. Not sure if that’s making sense. Just watch them. - 4.5 stars

Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day - I’d been waiting a while to see this one. I don’t care for Amy Adams, but the story looked cute, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’ll admit, she didn’t suck. She was actually a very good fit for this particular role. Overall, it was a nice little story - a bit on the fluffy side, but I really enjoyed it. - - 3.5 stars

The Fearless Vampire Killers, or Pardon Me but Your Teeth Are in My Neck - I watched this on the recommendation of someone whose film suggestions are above question in my opinion. So far they’ve never steered me wrong. This one’s as stupid as it sounds. I don’t like a lot of “stupid” comedies, but this one I really do. It probably helped that I’ve always had a soft spot for vampire stories. There was just enough drama worked in to keep the story moving along nicely. Probably not something I’d rush to watch again (not many movies are), but one that was fun and certainly worth seeing if you just need some serious brain candy.

Halloween - Yes, I only just saw it for the first time. Another one I watched after being told how good it is by the aforementioned individual. Why hadn’t I seen this before? 1. Not a big Jamie Lee Curtis fan. 2. I haven’t been a horror movie fan for many years. 3. When I do watch a horror film, anything along the lines of a teen slasher flick would be bottom on my list. And 4. When I do watch a horror film these days, I really don’t like watching them alone, and frankly there’s no one left around here who would willingly sit through one with me. So I’m surprised I even saw it. I did prep myself. I read an essay about it in the Horror101 book I’d bought a while back first, and watched the little “making of” feature bit on the DVD (I have a better chance of being able to sit through a horror movie if I watch the back-end stuff first - it puts it in perspective and allows me to think of it more as a work of art than just a scary story or lame excuse for showcasing a few sets of tits for the perv male population when I’m watching it). Anyway, I was really surprised that I liked this at all, but I did. And knowing a bit about the history behind the movie actually made me appreciate it even more. - 4.5 stars

Roman Holiday - Another older one I hadn’t seen until very recently. I took a break from catching up on the old Fred & Ginger films to work this one in a few nights back. Very cute, and had some pretty amusing elements. Obviously the gist of the story’s been redone a lot by now, so it was relatively predictable, but it’s always nice to see earlier versions of things you’re familiar with. What I loved most about it is the fact that it didn’t have the storybook, happily-ever-after, kind of ending that becomes nauseating after a while. - 4 stars

All rather good “movies that don’t suck” this go-around, but if you must see a new one you haven’t seen yet, Russian Dolls is my top recommendation.

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I’m only 28. I say “only,” because I know in the grand scheme of things I’m still relatively young. Yet I feel so damned old sometimes. It’s part biological clock, and part simply biology. I’ve been working on a novel that deals with a near-thirtysomething female. It’s a comedy. The character certainly has some similarities to me (geography for example, because it just worked for the story, and of course general age), but she’s still far from me on most levels.

In order to take the novel from the completed outline into drafting, I’ve been doing everything I can to get into her head. One of those things involved taking a good hard look at myself - my job, my body, my emotions, and how all of those things make me feel knowing that 30 is just around the corner. Am I where I wanted to be? Am I seeing signs of aging? etc.

Much to my dismay, I looked a bit too hard. While looking in the mirror I noticed my eyes weren’t quite as bright as they once were. There were dark spots under each towards the inside of the eye. The skin around the eyes seemed oddly dry. And then I saw them… no… no… NO!!! Little lines starting to poke out from the sides of my eyes. Oh my god. I’m getting crow’s feet!

Sure, they’re inevitable. But I will NOT succumb to wrinkles before I’m 30. You’d damned well better believe I’m gonna put up a fight. So immediately I started exfoliating and deeply moisturizing around the eye area. After a few days, the lines didn’t look nearly as bad (still had them though - and those dark spots).

Then I was talking to my sister (she’s ten years younger than me, so still a teen). I mentioned my cosmetic drama, and she had the nerve to say something to the effect of her teachers telling them to use eye creams now so they don’t get wrinkles when they’re “my age.” “MY age??” If there was ever cause for a sisterly cat fight, that was it. But I kept my composure, left, went home, and sunk myself into work.

Yesterday I broke down and went out to buy some new products - needed new face products anyway, was looking for a decent microdermabrasion kit for home use but couldn’t find one, and yes, I picked up some eye cream.

I must have read the package of every eye cream, eye gel, and collagen filler created - twice. I had no idea what to buy. I’d already used eye gels in the past. While they feel refreshing, they don’t tend to make visible changes. So I ruled them out. I figured that since the skin was so dry around my eyes, a thick cream would be best. I went with Garnier Nutrioniste ultra-lift anti-wrinkle firming eye cream. Sounds like it does it all, right? I actually only settled on it, because I liked the perky looking little green tub it comes in (I don’t normally like Garnier’s products).

I slathered the cream all around my eyes last night after washing my face - under them, over them, and on both sides. Sure, my eyes looks a bit more “glowy” then - what else would you expect with the wet shimmer of freshly-absorbed cream on your skin?

What really shocked me was waking up. As I was about to put the cream on again this morning, I was looking at my eyes in the mirror and noticed that my dark spots were VERY much lighter! As a matter of fact, I barely have any darkness under my left eye at ALL! I still can see my little sideline friends (don’t get me wrong - you probably wouldn’t even see them if you weren’t specifically looking for them - it’s just traumatic when you first see your own lines forming - I’ve now sworn off magnifying mirrors). However, they’re even a bit less visible next to my right eye already.

I’m not a big believer in miracle products. To this date, I’ve only found one - oregano oil (kills a cold in 1-2 days flat, and completely, killed strep throat when antibiotics weren’t working, clears up congestions - the shit can do anything - it’s awesome - tastes like something died though).

Now I can say I’ve found two. This stuff actually works. Hopefully it will keep working over the long haul and I’ll see even more changes - I certainly never expected to see changes literally overnight.

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I was just working on an e-book I’m trying to finish up this week, and I suddenly found myself thinking “God, I’d love to watch some Scooby Doo right now.” Yes, Scooby Doo. I’ve been an addict since I was a child. It’s one of my guilty pleasures - those things I’m normally too embarrassed to admit that I love.

Do you have anything like that? Something that makes you giddy even in the midst of feeling stressed and over-worked? I’ll share my top three with you just for fun (of the innocent variety at least).

• Scooby Doo - As much as I love the old cartoon, I actually love the newer movies (starting with Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, which came out when I was a freshman in college) more.
• Army of Darkness - This is one of the stupidest movies ever made, but I can’t get enough of it. I find it absolutely hysterical (and I don’t usually enjoy “stupid” slapstick-style comedy). Nobody hams it up like Bruce Campbell - seriously.
• Haunted Hayrides - I love Halloween. I spend all year waiting for fall to come. There’s just something in the air that automatically cheers me up - the gray skies, the cool air, the blustery wind, the leaves blowing - nothing beats it. But with as much as I love the fall, it’s going on a haunted hayride around Halloween that gets me glowing. The scarier the better - I love being scared (odd coming from someone who doesn’t read or watch much horror anymore because they’re too “afraid to do it alone”). It’s just that tiny bit of an adrenaline rush I guess. I’d love to find a really scary one (or haunted house kind of deal instead of a hayride), but I doubt I will this year. I’ve heard the haunted prison bit near Philly’s pretty good.

So what are your guilty pleasures?

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